第23部分(第5/7 頁)

　rebel？　Let　me　be　grateful　that　I　have　suffered　no　intolerable　wrong；　no　terrible　woe　of　flesh　or　spirit；　such　as　others……alas！　alas！……have　found　in　their　lot。　Is　it　not　much　to　have　acplished　so　large　a　part　of　the　mortal　journey　with　so　much　ease？　If　I　find　myself　astonished　at　its　brevity　and　small　significance；　why；　that　is　my　own　fault；　the　voices　of　those　gone　before　had　sufficiently　warned　me。　Better　to　see　the　truth　now；　and　accept　it；　than　to　fall　into　dread　surprise　on　some　day　of　weakness；　and　foolishly　to　cry　against　fate。　I　will　be　glad　rather　than　sorry；　and　think　of　the　thing　no　more。

XXIV

Waking　at　early　dawn　used　to　be　one　of　the　things　I　most　dreaded。　The　night　which　made　me　capable　of　resuming　labour　had　brought　no　such　calm　as　should　follow　upon　repose；　I　woke　to　a　vision　of　the　darkest　miseries　and　lay　through　the　hours　of　daybreak……too　often……　in　very　anguish。　But　that　is　past。　Sometimes；　ere　yet　I　know　myself；　the　mind　struggles　as　with　an　evil　spirit　on　the　confines　of　sleep；　then　the　light　at　my　window；　the　pictures　on　my　walls；　restore　me　to　happy　consciousness；　happier　for　the　miserable　dream。　Now；　when　I　lie　thinking；　my　worst　trouble　is　wonder　at　the　mon　life　of　man。　I　see　it　as　a　thing　so　incredible　that　it　oppresses　the　mind　like　a　haunting　illusion。　Is　it　the　truth　that　men　are　fretting；　raving；　killing　each　other；　for　matters　so　trivial　that　I；　even　I；　so　far　from　saint　or　philosopher；　must　needs　fall　into　amazement　when　I　consider　them？　I　could　imagine　a　man　who；　by　living　alone　and　at　peace；　came　to　regard　the　everyday　world　as　not　really　existent；　but　a　creation　of　his　own　fancy　in　unsound　moments。　What　lunatic　ever　dreamt　of　things　less　consonant　with　the　calm　reason　than　those　which　are　thought　and　done　every　minute　in