第3部分(第3/5 頁)

ve　and　security　you　gave　to　me　through　those　hands　is　now　in　mine；　as　I　pass　that　Iove　on　to　Jana。

The　other　day　Jana　fell　asleep　against　my　arm。　I　must　have　spent　fifteen　or　twenty　minutes　staring　at　her；　marveling　at　the　wheat　color　of　her　hair；　the　suppleness　of　her　skin；　her　perfect　tiny　red　mouth；　moving　now　and　then　in　sleep。　What　a　rush　I　felt；　of　love　and　wonder；　of　care　and　luck；　and　more。　I　suddenly　remembered　something　I　saw　on　your　face　last　summer；　when　I　was　home　on　a　visit　shortly　after　Jana’s　birth。

We　were　sitting　on　the　glider　swing　in　the　backyard。　It　was　a　lovely　morning；　cool　there　in　the　shade；　and　the　air　was　full　of　fragrance　from　your　rose　garden。　I　was　holding　Jana；　who　seemed　to　enjoy　the　gentle　movement　of　the　swing。

But　I　wasn’t　enjoying　anything　just　then。　I’d　had　a　rough　night。　Jana　was　six　weeks　old　and　had　been　up　every　few　hours。　I；　fretful　and　nervous　as　only　a　new　mother　can　be；　had　been　having　trouble　falling　back　to　sleep　between　her　feedings。　I　was　cranky　and　tired；　and　not　feeling　cheerful　about　this　motherhood　business　at　all。

Sitting　on　the　glider；　we　talked—or　rather；　I　talked；　letting　loose　my　load　of　anxiety　and　frustrations　on　you。　And　out　of　the　blue；　you　reached　over　to　touch　my　hair。

“It’s　so　pretty。”　you　said；　an　odd　expression　on　your　face。　“The　way　the　sun　is　hitting　it　just　now。。。　I　never　noticed　you　had　so　many　red　highlights　before。”

A　little　embarrassed；　preoccupied2　with　other　thoughts　and　problems；　I　shrugged　off　your　ment。　I　don’t　know　what　I　said；　something　short　and　dismissive；　no　doubt；　as　I　waved　away　the　pliment。　But　your　words　affected　me。　It　had　been　a　long　time　since　someone　had　seen　something　truly　beautiful　in　me；　and　I　was　pleased。　It　has　taken　me　this　long　to