第20部分(第4/7 頁)

evil。　With　a　little　resolution　and　considering　it　as　a　natural　issue　of　certain　natural　processes；　pain　may　well　be　borne。　One's　solace　is；　to　remember　that　it　cannot　affect　the　soul；　which　partakes　of　the　eternal　nature。　This　body　is　but　as　〃the　clothing；　or　the　cottage；　of　the　mind。〃　Let　flesh　be　racked；　I；　the　very　I；　will　stand　apart；　lord　of　myself。

Meanwhile；　memory；　reason；　every　faculty　of　my　intellectual　part；　is　being　whelmed　in　muddy　oblivion。　Is　the　soul　something　other　than　the　mind？　If　so；　I　have　lost　all　consciousness　of　its　existence。　For　me；　mind　and　soul　are　one；　and；　as　I　am　too　feelingly　reminded；　that　element　of　my　being　is　HERE；　where　the　brain　throbs　and　anguishes。　A　little　more　of　such　suffering；　and　I　were　myself　no　longer；　the　body　representing　me　would　gesticulate　and　rave；　but　I　should　know　nothing　of　its　motives；　its　fantasies。　The　very　I；　it　is　too　plain；　consists　but　with　a　certain　balance　of　my　physical　elements；　which　we　call　health。　Even　in　the　light　beginnings　of　my　headache；　I　was　already　not　myself；　my　thoughts　followed　no　normal　course；　and　I　was　aware　of　the　abnormality。　A　few　hours　later；　I　was　but　a　walking　disease；　my　mind……if　one　could　use　the　word……had　bee　a　barrel…organ；　grinding　in　endless　repetition　a　bar　or　two　of　idle　music。

What　trust　shall　I　repose　in　the　soul　that　serves　me　thus？　Just　as　much；　one　would　say；　as　in　the　senses；　through　which　I　know　all　that　I　can　know　of　the　world　in　which　I　live；　and　which；　for　all　I　can　tell；　may　deceive　me　even　more　grossly　in　their　mon　use　than　they　do　on　certain　occasions　where　I　have　power　to　test　them；　just　as　much；　and　no　more……if　I　am　right　in　concluding　that　mind　and　soul　are　merely　subtle　functions　of　body。　If　I　chance　to　bee　deranged　in　certain　parts　of　my　physi