第83部分(第7/7 頁)

at’s　just

what　I　did。　I　even　looked　inside　the　chests。

366

In　this　silence；　the　only　sound　I　heard　was　the　thudding　of　my　own　racing

heart。　Like　an　old　man　who’s　done　everything　he　will　ever　do；　I　felt　consoled

when　I　abruptly　girded　my　sword；　which　I’d　kept　hidden　at　the　bottom　of　the

most out of the way chest。 It was this ivory…handled sword which always

provided me with inner peace and balance during all those years I worked

with　the　pen。　Books；　which　we　mistake　for　consolation；　only　add　depth　to　our

sorrow。

I went down to the courtyard。 The sparrow had flown away。 As if

abandoning a sinking ship； I left the house to the silence of an impending

darkness。

My　heart；　now　more　confident；　told　me　to　run　and　find　them。　I　ran；　but　I

slowed　through　crowded　places　and　the　mosque　courtyards　where　dogs　picked

up　my　trail　and　joyously　followed；　anticipating　some　kind　of　amusement。

367

I　AM　ESTHER

I　was　putting　lentil　soup　on　the　boil　for　our　evening　meal　when　Nesim　said；

“There’s　a　visitor　at　the　door。”　I　replied；　“Make　sure　the　soup　do