第13部分(第2/7 頁)

my　mind　of　this　irrepressible　urge；　I

retired　to　a　corner　of　the　room；　as　was　my　wont；　but　after　a　while　I　realized　I

couldn’t　jack　off—proof　well　enough　that　I’d　fallen　in　love　again　after　twelve

years！

This　struck　such　excitement　and　fear　into　my　heart　that　I　walked　around　the

room　nearly　atremble　like　the　flame　of　the　candle。　If　Shekure　meant　to　present

herself　at　the　window；　then　why　this　letter；　which　put　the　opposite　belief　into

play？　Why　did　her　father　call　for　me？　As　I　paced；　I　sensed　that　the　door；　wall

and squeaky floor； stuttering as I myself did； were trying to creak their

responses　to　my　every　question。

I　looked　at　the　picture　I’d　made　years　ago；　which　depicted　Shirin　stricken

with love upon gazing at Hüsrev’s image hanging from a branch。 It didn’t

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embarrass　me　as　it　would　each　time　it　came　to　mind　in　subsequent　years；　nor

did　it　bring　back　my　happy　childhood　memories。　Toward　morning；　my　mind

had mastered the situation： By returning the picture； Shekure had made a

move　in　an　amatory　chess　game　she　was　masterfully　luring　me　into。　I　sat　in

the　candlelight　and　wrote　her　a　letter　of　response。

In　the　morning；　after　sleeping　for　a　spell；　I　went　out　and　walked　a　long　way

through　the　streets；　carrying　the　letter　upon　my　breast　and　my　light　pen…and…

ink holder； as was my custom； in my sash。 The snow widened Istanbul’s

narrow　streets　and　freed　the　city　of　its　crowds。　All　was　quieter　and　slower；　as

it’d been in my childhood。 Crows seemed to have beset Istanbul’s roofs；

domes　and　gardens　just　as　they　had　on　the　snowy　winter　days　of　my　youth。　I