第34部分(第2/7 頁)

en　he　was　younger；　his　body

and　his　face　hadn’t　yet　settled。　Twelve　years　later；　when　I　first　laid　eyes　on　him

from　this　dark　refuge　of　mine；　I　immediately　saw　that　he’d　attained　a　kind　of

perfection。

Now；　when　I　bring　my　eye　right　up　to　the　hole；　I　see　on　his　face　the　worry

that　plagues　him。　I　felt　at　once　guilty　and　proud　that　he’d　suffered　so　on　my

account。 Black listened to what my father said； gazing upon an illustration

made　for　the　book；　with　a　look　pletely　innocent　and　childlike。　Just　then；

when I saw that he’d opened his pink mouth as a child would have； I

unexpectedly felt； yes； like putting my breast into it。 With my fingers on his

nape　and　tangled　in　his　hair；　Black　would　place　his　head　between　my　breasts；

and　as　my　own　children　used　to　do；　he’d　roll　his　eyes　back　into　his　head　with

pleasure　as　he　sucked　on　my　nipple：　After　understanding　that　only　through　my

passion　would　he　find　peace；　he’d　bee　pletely　bound　to　me。

I　perspired　faintly　and　imagined　Black　marveling　at　the　size　of　my　breasts

with　surprise　and　intensity—rather　than　studying　the　illustration　of　the　Devil

152

that　my　father　was　actually　showing　him。　Not　only　my　breasts；　but　as　if　drunk

with　the　vision　of　me；　he　was　gazing　at　my　hair；　my　neck；　at　all　of　me。　He　was

so attracted to me that he was giving voice to those sweet nothings he

couldn’t　summon　as　a　youth；　from　his　glances；　I　realized　how　he　was　in　awe　of

my　proud　demeanor；　my　manners；　my　upbringing；　the　way　I　waited　patiently

and　bravely　for　my　husband；　and　the　beauty　of　the　letter　I’d　written　him。

I　felt　anger　toward　my　father；　who