第45部分(第5/7 頁)

done。 After I’d dressed my father in fresh clothes and carefully

cleaned the blood off his neck； face and hair； I embraced him with all my

202

strength； and burying my nose in his beard； I inhaled his scent and cried at

length。

For　those　of　you　who　would　accuse　me　of　lacking　feeling；　or　even　of　being

guilty；　let　me　hasten　to　tell　of　two　further　instances　when　I　broke　down　crying：

1。 When I was tidying the upstairs room so the children wouldn’t discover

what　had　happened　and　I　brought　a　seashell　he’d　used　as　a　paper　burnisher　to

my　ear；　as　I’d　done　as　a　child；　only　to　discover　that　the　sound　of　the　sea　had

diminished。 2。 When I saw that the red velvet cushion my father sat upon

often over the last twenty years—so much so it’d bee part of his rear

end—had　been　torn　apart。

When everything in the house； excluding the damage that was beyond

repair；　was　put　back　in　order；　I　mercilessly　denied　Hayriye’s　request　to　spread

her roll…up mattress out in our room。 “I don’t want the children to get

suspicious　in　the　morning；”　I　explained　to　her。　But；　to　be　honest；　I　was　as　eager

to　be　alone　with　my　children　as　I　was　to　punish　her。　I　entered　my　bed　but　was

unable to sleep for a long while； not because I was preoccupied with the

horror　of　what　had　happened；　but　because　I　was　considering　all　that　yet　lay　in

store。

203

I　AM　RED

I　appeared　in　Ghazni　when　Book　of　Kings　poet　Firdusi　pleted　the　final　line

of a quatrain with the most intricate of rhymes； besting the court poets of

Shah　Mahmud；　who