第43部分(第6/7 頁)

me of its own accord。 Tomorrow； before noon； I’ll know whom I am to

marry。

I　want　to　share　something　with　you　before　I　arrive　home。　No！　e　off　it；

now；　it’s　not　about　the　size　of　that　monstrosity　Black　showed　me。　If　you　want

we　can　talk　about　that　later。　What　I　was　going　to　discuss　was　Black’s　haste。　It’s

not　that　he　seems　to　think　only　of　satisfying　his　lust。　To　be　honest；　it’d　make

no　difference　if　he　did。　What　surprises　me　is　his　stupidity！　I　suppose　it　never

crossed　his　mind　that　he　could　frighten　and　abduct　me；　play　with　my　honor

and　put　me　off；　or　open　the　door　to　even　more　dangerous　outes。　I　can　tell

from his innocent expression how much he loves and desires me。 But after

waiting　twelve　years；　why　can’t　he　play　the　game　according　to　the　rules　and

wait　another　twelve　days？

Do you know I have the sinking feeling I’ve fallen in love with his

inpetence and his melancholy childlike glances？ At a time when it

would’ve　been　more　appropriate　to　be　irate　with　him；　instead；　I　pitied　him。

“Oh；　my　poor　child；”　a　voice　inside　me　said；　“you　suffer　such　torment　and　are

still so utterly inpetent。” I felt so protective of him that I might’ve even

made　a　mistake；　I　might’ve　actually　given　myself　to　that　spoiled　little　boy。

Thinking of my unfortunate children； I quickened my steps。 Just then； in

the　early　darkness　and　blinding　snow；　I　thought　a　phantom　of　a　man　would

run　right　over　me。　Ducking　my　head；　I　slipped　by　him。

Upon entering through the courtyard gate； I knew that Hayriye and the

children hadn’t yet returned。 Very well then； I’d e b