第22部分(第4/7 頁)

y；”　Serena　said；　wadding　her　new　black　dress　into　a

ball　and　tossing　it　onto　her　bed。

A　gorgeous　Tocca　dress？　e　on；　how　ugly　could　it　be？

Each　day　that　week；　Serena　had　dressed　in　her　maroon　uniform；

gone　to　school；　e　home；　watched　some　TV；　eaten　dinner；

watched　some　more　TV；　and　gone　to　sleep。　She　even　did　some

homework。　She　spoke　to　no　one　except　her　parents　and　her

teachers　and　maybe　a　passing　greeting　to　the　girls　at　school。　She

was　beginning　to　feel　only　half…there；　like　the　shadow　of　her　former

self；　a　girl　people　had　known　once；　but　couldn’t　quite　remember

anymore。　And　for　the　first　time　in　her　entire　life；　she　felt　ugly　and

awkward。　Her　eyes　and　hair　looked　dull　to　her；　and　her　beautiful

smile　and　cool　demeanor　had　been　roped　off　until　further　notice。

Now　it　was　Friday；　the　night　of　the　Kiss　on　the　Lips　party。　And　the

question　she　couldn’t　answer：　to　go　or　not　to　go？

It　used　to　be；　before　fancy　parties　like　this；　Serena　and　her　friends

would　spend　half　the　night　getting　dressed　together—swilling　ginand…

tonics；　dancing　around　in　their　underwear；　trying　on　crazy

outfits。　But　tonight　Serena　rummaged　through　her　closet　alone。

There　was　the　pair　of　jeans　with　the　rip　in　the　leg　where　she’d

snagged　them　on　a　barbed…wire　fence　in　Ridgefield。　There　was　the

white　satin　dress　she’d　worn　to　the　Christmas　dance　in　ninth　grade。

Her　brother’s　old　leather　jacket。　Her　moldy　tennis　shoes　that　should

have　been　thrown　out　two　years　ago。　And　what　was　this？　A　red　wool

sweater—Nate’s。　Serena　held　it　to　her　face　and　smelled　it。　It

smelled　like　her；　not　him。

Toward　the　back　of　the　closet　was　a　black　velvet