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第35部分(第5/7 頁)

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breast; where she used to be。 He could not bear it。

He felt as if he were suspended in space; held there by the grip

of his will。 If he relaxed his will would fall; fall through

endless space; into the bottomless pit; always falling;

will…less; helpless; non…existent; just dropping to extinction;

falling till the fire of friction had burned out; like a falling

star; then nothing; nothing; plete nothing。

He rose in the morning grey and unreal。 And she seemed fond

of him again; she seemed to make up to him a little。

〃I slept well;〃 she said; with her slightly false brightness。

〃Did you?〃

〃All right;〃 he answered。

He would never tell her。

For three or four nights he lay alone through the white

sleep; his will unchanged; unchanged; still tense; fixed in its

grip。 Then; as if she were revived and free to be fond of him

again; deluded by his silence and seeming acquiescence; moved

also by pity; she took him back again。

Each night; in spite of all the shame; he had waited with

agony for bedtime; to see if she would shut him out。 And each

night; as; in her false brightness; she said Good night; he felt

he must kill her or himself。 But she asked for her kiss; so

pathetically; so prettily。 So he kissed her; whilst his heart

was ice。

And sometimes he went out。 Once he sat for a long time in the

church porch; before going in to bed。 It was dark with a wind

blowing。 He sat in the church porch and felt some shelter; some

security。 But it grew cold; and he must go in to bed。

Then came the night when she said; putting her arms round him

and kissing him fondly:

〃Stay with me to…ni

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