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breast; where she used to be。 He could not bear it。
He felt as if he were suspended in space; held there by the grip
of his will。 If he relaxed his will would fall; fall through
endless space; into the bottomless pit; always falling;
will…less; helpless; non…existent; just dropping to extinction;
falling till the fire of friction had burned out; like a falling
star; then nothing; nothing; plete nothing。
He rose in the morning grey and unreal。 And she seemed fond
of him again; she seemed to make up to him a little。
〃I slept well;〃 she said; with her slightly false brightness。
〃Did you?〃
〃All right;〃 he answered。
He would never tell her。
For three or four nights he lay alone through the white
sleep; his will unchanged; unchanged; still tense; fixed in its
grip。 Then; as if she were revived and free to be fond of him
again; deluded by his silence and seeming acquiescence; moved
also by pity; she took him back again。
Each night; in spite of all the shame; he had waited with
agony for bedtime; to see if she would shut him out。 And each
night; as; in her false brightness; she said Good night; he felt
he must kill her or himself。 But she asked for her kiss; so
pathetically; so prettily。 So he kissed her; whilst his heart
was ice。
And sometimes he went out。 Once he sat for a long time in the
church porch; before going in to bed。 It was dark with a wind
blowing。 He sat in the church porch and felt some shelter; some
security。 But it grew cold; and he must go in to bed。
Then came the night when she said; putting her arms round him
and kissing him fondly:
〃Stay with me to…ni
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