第35部分(第3/7 頁)

t　he　sink　if　he　were　detached　from　her？　Why

must　he　cleave　to　her　in　a　frenzy　as　for　his　very　life？

The　only　other　way　to　leave　her　was　to　die。　The　only　straight

way　to　leave　her　was　to　die。　His　dark；　raging　soul　knew　that。

But　he　had　no　desire　for　death。

Why　could　he　not　leave　her？　Why　could　he　not　throw　himself

into　the　hidden　water　to　live　or　die；　as　might　be？　He　could　not；

he　could　not。　But　supposing　he　went　away；　right　away；　and　found

work；　and　had　a　lodging　again。　He　could　be　again　as　he　had　been

before。

But　he　knew　he　could　not。　A　woman；　he　must　have　a　woman。　And

having　a　woman；　he　must　be　free　of　her。　It　would　be　the　same

position。　For　he　could　not　be　free　of　her。

For　how　can　a　man　stand；　unless　he　have　something　sure　under

his　feet。　Can　a　man　tread　the　unstable　water　all　his　life；　and

call　that　standing？　Better　give　in　and　drown　at　once。

And　upon　what　could　he　stand；　save　upon　a　woman？　Was　he　then

like　the　old　man　of　the　seas；　impotent　to　move　save　upon　the

back　of　another　life？　Was　he　impotent；　or　a　cripple；　or　a

defective；　or　a　fragment？

It　was　black；　mad；　shameful　torture；　the　frenzy　of　fear；　the

frenzy　of　desire；　and　the　horrible；　grasping　back…wash　of

shame。

What　was　he　afraid　of？　Why　did　life；　without　Anna；　seem　to

him　just　a　horrible　welter；　everything　jostling　in　a

meaningless；　dark；　fathomless　flood？　Why；　if　Anna　left　him　even

for　a　week；　did　he　seem　to　be　clinging　like　a　madman　to　the　edge

of　reality；　and　slipping　surely；　surely　into　the　flood　of

unreality　that　would　drown　him。　This　horrible　slipping　into

unreality　drove　him　mad；　his　soul　screamed　with