第63部分(第2/7 頁)

was　madly　sensitive。　She　could　not　bear　herself。　When　a

dirty；　red…eyed　old　woman　came　begging　of　her　in　the　street；　she

started　away　as　from　an　unclean　thing。　And　then；　when　the　old

woman　shouted　acrid　insults　after　her；　she　winced；　her　limbs

palpitated　with　insane　torment；　she　could　not　bear　herself。

Whenever　she　thought　of　the　red…eyed　old　woman；　a　sort　of

madness　ran　in　inflammation　over　her　flesh　and　her　brain；　she

almost　wanted　to　kill　herself。

And　in　this　state；　her　sexual　life　flamed　into　a　kind　of

disease　within　her。　She　was　so　overwrought　and　sensitive；　that

the　mere　touch　of　coarse　wool　seemed　to　tear　her　nerves。

CHAPTER　XII

SHAME

Ursula　had　only　two　more　terms　at　school。　She　was　studying

for　her　matriculation　examination。　It　was　dreary　work；　for　she

had　very　little　intelligence　when　she　was　disjointed　from

happiness。　Stubbornness　and　a　consciousness　of　impending　fate

kept　her　half…heartedly　pinned　to　it。　She　knew　that　soon　she

would　want　to　bee　a　self…responsible　person；　and　her　dread

was　that　she　would　be　prevented。　An　all…containing　will　in　her

for　plete　independence；　plete　social　independence；

plete　independence　from　any　personal　authority；　kept　her

dullishly　at　her　studies。　For　she　knew　that　she　had　always　her

price　of　ransom……her　femaleness。　She　was　always　a　woman；

and　what　she　could　not　get　because　she　was　a　human　being；　fellow

to　the　rest　of　mankind；　she　would　get　because　she　was　a　female；

other　than　the　man。　In　her　femaleness　she　felt　a　secret　riches；

a　reserve；　she　had　always　the　price　of　freedom。

However；　she　was　sufficiently　reserved　about　this　last