第49部分(第2/7 頁)

s　grateful　to　Brangwen。　She　reached　out　to　him　in　gratitude；

into　death。

In　her　heart　she　felt　a　vague　tenderness　and　pity　for　her

first　husband；　who　had　been　her　lord。　He　was　so　wrong　when　he

died。　She　could　not　bear　it；　that　he　had　never　lived；　never

really　bee　himself。　And　he　had　been　her　lord！　Strange；　it　all

had　been！　Why　had　he　been　her　lord？　He　seemed　now　so　far　off；　so

without　bearing　on　her。

〃Which　did　you；　grandmother？〃

〃What？〃

〃Like　best。〃

〃I　liked　them　both。　I　married　the　first　when　I　was　quite　a

girl。　Then　I　loved　your　grandfather　when　I　was　a　woman。　There　is

a　difference。〃

They　were　silent　for　a　time。

〃Did　you　cry　when　my　first　grandfather　died？〃　the　child

asked。

Lydia　Brangwen　rocked　herself　on　the　bed；　thinking　aloud。

〃When　we　came　to　England；　he　hardly　ever　spoke；　he　was　too

much　concerned　to　take　any　notice　of　anybody。　He　grew　thinner

and　thinner；　till　his　cheeks　were　hollow　and　his　mouth　stuck

out。　He　wasn't　handsome　any　more。　I　knew　he　couldn't　bear　being

beaten；　I　thought　everything　was　lost　in　the　world。　Only　I　had

your　mother　a　baby；　it　was　no　use　my　dying。

〃He　looked　at　me　with　his　black　eyes；　almost　as　if　he　hated

me；　when　he　was　ill；　and　said；　'It　only　wanted　this。　It　only

wanted　that　I　should　leave　you　and　a　young　child　to　starve　in

this　London。'　I　told　him　we　should　not　starve。　But　I　was　young；

and　foolish；　and　frightened；　which　he　knew。

〃He　was　bitter；　and　he　never　gave　way。　He　lay　beating　his

brains；　to　see　what　he　could　do。　'I　don't　know　what　you　will

do；'　he　said。　'I　am　no　good；　I　am　a　failure　from　beginning　to

end。　I