第42部分(第4/7 頁)

stinate　little　face；〃　he　said；　through

shut　teeth；　lifting　his　hand。

The　child　did　not　alter　in　the　least。　The　look　of

indifference；　plete　glancing　indifference；　as　if　nothing　but

herself　existed　to　her；　remained　fixed。

Yet　far　away　in　her；　the　sobs　were　tearing　her　soul。　And　when

he　had　gone；　she　would　go　and　creep　under　the　parlour　sofa；　and

lie　clinched　in　the　silent；　hidden　misery　of　childhood。

When　she　crawled　out；　after　an　hour　or　so；　she　went　rather

stiffly　to　play。　She　willed　to　forget。　She　cut　off　her　childish

soul　from　memory；　so　that　the　pain；　and　the　insult　should　not　be

real。　She　asserted　herself　only。　There　was　not　nothing　in　the

world　but　her　own　self。　So　very　soon；　she　came　to　believe　in　the

outward　malevolence　that　was　against　her。　And　very　early；　she

learned　that　even　her　adored　father　was　part　of　this

malevolence。　And　very　early　she　learned　to　harden　her　soul　in

resistance　and　denial　of　all　that　was　outside　her；　harden

herself　upon　her　own　being。

She　never　felt　sorry　for　what　she　had　done；　she　never　forgave

those　who　had　made　her　guilty。　If　he　had　said　to　her；　〃Why；

Ursula；　did　you　trample　my　carefully…made　bed？〃　that　would　have

hurt　her　to　the　quick；　and　she　would　have　done　anything　for　him。

But　she　was　always　tormented　by　the　unreality　of　outside　things。

The　earth　was　to　walk　on。　Why　must　she　avoid　a　certain　patch；

just　because　it　was　called　a　seed…bed？　It　was　the　earth　to　walk

on。　This　was　her　instinctive　assumption。　And　when　he　bullied

her；　she　became　hard；　cut　herself　off　from　all　connection；　lived

in　the　little　separate　world　of　her　own　violent　will。

As