第42部分(第3/7 頁)

not　do　it　as　he　did　it。　She　was　conscious　of　the　great　breach

between　them。　She　knew　she　had　no　power。　The　grown…up　power　to

work　deliberately　was　a　mystery　to　her。

He　would　smash　into　her　sensitive　child's　world

destructively。　Her　mother　was　lenient；　careless　The　children

played　about　as　they　would　all　day。　Ursula　was

thoughtless……why　should　she　remember　things？　If　across　the

garden　she　saw　the　hedge　had　budded；　and　if　she　wanted　these

greeny…pink；　tiny　buds　for　bread…and…cheese；　to　play　at　teaparty

with；　over　she　went　for　them。

Then　suddenly；　perhaps　the　next　day；　her　soul　would　almost

start　out　of　her　body　as　her　father　turned　on　her；　shouting：

〃Who's　been　tramplin'　an'　dancin'　across　where　I've　just

sowed　seed？　I　know　it's　you；　nuisance！　Can　you　find　nowhere　else

to　walk；　but　just　over　my　seed　beds？　But　it's　like　you；　that

is……no　heed　but　to　follow　your　own　greedy　nose。〃

It　had　shocked　him　in　his　intent　world　to　see　the　zigzagging

lines　of　deep　little　foot…prints　across　his　work。　The　child　was

infinitely　more　shocked。　Her　vulnerable　little　soul　was　flayed

and　trampled。　Why　were　the　foot…prints　there？　She　had　not

wanted　to　make　them。　She　stood　dazzled　with　pain　and　shame　and

unreality。

Her　soul；　her　consciousness　seemed　to　die　away。　She　became

shut　off　and　senseless；　a　little　fixed　creature　whose　soul　had

gone　hard　and　unresponsive。　The　sense　of　her　own　unreality

hardened　her　like　a　frost。　She　cared　no　longer。

And　the　sight　of　her　face；　shut　and　superior　with

self…asserting　indifference；　made　a　flame　of　rage　go　over　him。

He　wanted　to　break　her。

〃I'll　break　your　ob