第92部分(第2/7 頁)

t　I　find　I　am　with　child；　so　that　cannot

be。

It　is　your　child；　and　for　that　reason　I　must　revere　it　and

submit　my　body　entirely　to　its　welfare；　entertaining　no　thought

of　death；　which　once　more　is　largely　conceit。　Therefore；　because

you　once　loved　me；　and　because　this　child　is　your　child；　I　ask

you　to　have　me　back。　If　you　will　cable　me　one　word；　I　will　e

to　you　as　soon　as　I　can。　I　swear　to　you　to　be　a　dutiful　wife；

and　to　serve　you　in　all　things。　For　now　I　only　hate　myself　and

my　own　conceited　foolishness。　I　love　you……I　love　the

thought　of　you……you　were　natural　and　decent　all　through；

whilst　I　was　so　false。　Once　I　am　with　you　again；　I　shall　ask　no

more　than　to　rest　in　your　shelter　all　my　life

This　letter　she　wrote；　sentence　by　sentence；　as　if　from　her

deepest；　sincerest　heart。　She　felt　that　now；　now；　she　was　at　the

depths　of　herself。　This　was　her　true　self；　forever。　With　this

document　she　would　appear　before　God　at　the　Judgment　Day。

For　what　had　a　woman　but　to　submit？　What　was　her　flesh　but

for　childbearing；　her　strength　for　her　children　and　her　husband；

the　giver　of　life？　At　last　she　was　a　woman。

She　posted　her　letter　to　his　club；　to　be　forwarded　to　him　in

Calcutta。　He　would　receive　it　soon　after　his　arrival　in

India……within　three　weeks　of　his　arrival　there。　In　a

month's　time　she　would　receive　word　from　him。　Then　she　would

go。

She　。　She　thought　only　of　preparing　her

garments　and　of　living　quietly；　peacefully；　till　the　time　when

she　should　join　him　again　and　her　history　would　be　concluded　for

ever。　The　peace　held　like　an　unnatural　calm　for　a　long　time。　She

was　aware；　how