第30部分(第5/7 頁)

not　get　them。

Anger　was　washed　away　in　the　river　along　with　any　obligation。　Although　that　ceased　when　the　carabiniere　put　his　hands　on　my　collar。　I　would　like　to　have　had　the　uniform　off　although　I　did　not　care　much　about　the　outward　forms。　I　had　taken　off　the　stars；　but　that　was　for　convenience。　It　was　no　point　of　honor。　I　was　not　against　them。　I　was　through。　I　wished　them　all　the　luck。　There　were　the　good　ones；　and　the　brave　ones；　and　the　calm　ones　and　the　sensible　ones；　and　they　deserved　it。　But　it　was　not　my　show　any　more　and　I　wished　this　bloody　train　would　get　to　Mestre　and　I　would　eat　and　stop　thinking。　I　would　have　to　stop。

Piani　would　tell　them　they　had　shot　me。　They　went　through　the　pockets　and　took　the　papers　of　the　people　they　shot。　They　would　not　have　my　papers。　They　might　call　me　drowned。　I　wondered　what　they　would　hear　in　the　States。　Dead　from　wounds　and　other　causes。　Good　Christ　I　was　hungry。　I　wondered　what　had　bee　of　the　priest　at　the　mess。　And　Rinaldi。　He　was　probably　at　Pordenone。　If　they　had　not　gone　further　back。　Well；　I　would　never　see　him　now。　I　would　never　see　any　of　them　now。　That　life　was　over。　I　did　not　think　he　had　syphilis。　It　was　not　a　serious　disease　anyway　if　you　took　it　in　time；　they　said。　But　he　would　worry。　I　would　worry　too　if　I　had　it。　Any　one　would　worry。

I　was　not　made　to　think。　I　was　made　to　eat。　My　God；　yes。　Eat　and　drink　and　sleep　with　Catherine。　To…night　maybe。　No　that　was　impossible。　But　to…morrow　night；　and　a　good　meal　and　sheets　and　never　going　away　again　except　together。　Probably　have　to　go　damned　quickly。　She　would　go。　I　knew　she　would　go。　When　would　we　go？　That　was　something　to　think　about。　It　was　getting　dark。　I　lay　and　thought　where　we　would　go。　There　were　many　places。

BOOK　FOUR

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