第30部分(第4/7 頁)

d　things　to　you　and　then　it　was　not　your　body　any　more。　The　head　was　mine；　and　the　inside　of　the　belly。　It　was　very　hungry　in　there。　I　could　feel　it　turn　over　on　itself。　The　head　was　mine；　but　not　to　use；　not　to　think　with；　only　to　remember　and　not　too　much　remember。

I　could　remember　Catherine　but　I　knew　I　would　get　crazy　if　I　thought　about　her　when　I　was　not　sure　yet　I　would　see　her；　so　I　would　not　think　about　her；　only　about　her　a　little；　only　about　her　with　the　car　going　slowly　and　clickingly；　and　some　light　through　the　canvas　and　my　lying　with　Catherine　on　the　floor　of　the　car。　Hard　as　the　floor　of　the　car　to　lie　not　thinking　only　feeling；　having　been　away　too　long；　the　clothes　wet　and　the　floor　moving　only　a　little　each　time　and　lonesome　inside　and　alone　with　wet　clothing　and　hard　floor　for　a　wife。

You　did　not　love　the　floor　of　a　flat…car　nor　guns　with　canvas　jackets　and　the　smell　of　vaselined　metal　or　a　canvas　that　rain　leaked　through；　although　it　is　very　fine　under　a　canvas　and　pleasant　with　guns；　but　you　loved　some　one　else　whom　now　you　knew　was　not　even　to　be　pretended　there；　you　seeing　now　very　clearly　and　coldly……not　so　coldly　as　clearly　and　emptily。　You　saw　emptily；　lying　on　your　stomach；　having　been　present　when　one　army　moved　back　and　another　came　forward。　You　had　lost　your　cars　and　your　men　as　a　floorwalker　loses　the　stock　of　his　department　in　a　fire。　There　was；　however；　no　insurance。　You　were　out　of　it　now。　You　had　no　more　obligation。　If　they　shot　floorwalkers　after　a　fire　in　the　department　store　because　they　spoke　with　an　accent　they　had　always　had；　then　certainly　the　floorwalkers　would　not　be　expected　to　return　when　the　store　opened　again　for　business。　They　might　seek　other　employment；　if　there　was　any　other　employment　and　the　police　did