第33部分(第5/7 頁)

said　this　afternoon；　I　didn't

believe　it　anymore。　There　was　much　more　to　this　than　an　unrequited　crush；　and

it　surprised　me　that　Billy

would　stoop　to　claiming　that。　It　made　me　think　that　whatever　secret　they　were

keeping　was　bigger　than

I'd　been　imagining。　At　least　Charlie　was　on　my　side　now。

I　put　my　pajamas　on　and　crawled　into　bed。　Life　seemed　dark　enough　at　the

moment　chat　I　let　myself

cheat。　The　hole—holes　now—were　already　aching；　so　why　not？　I　pulled　out　the

memory—nor　a　real

memory　that　would　hurt　too　much；　but　the　false　memory　of　Edward's　voice　in　my

mind　this

afternoon—and　played　it　over　and　over　in　my　head　until　I　fell　asleep　with　the

tears　still　streaming　calmly

down　my　empty　face。

It　was　a　new　dream　tonight。　Rain　was　falling　and　Jacob　was　walking　soundlessly

beside　me；　though

beneath　my　feet　the　ground　crunched　like　dry　gravel。　But　he　wasn't　my　Jacob；

he　was　the　new；　bitter；

graceful　Jacob。　The　smooth　suppleness　of　his　walk　reminded　me　of　someone　else；

and；　as　I　watched；　his

features　started　to　change。　The　russet　color　of　his　skin　leached　away；　leaving

his　face　pale　white　like

bone。　His　eyes　turned　gold；　and　then　crimson；　and　then　back　to　gold　again。　His

shorn　hair　twisted　in　the

breeze；　turning　bronze　where　the　wind　touched　it。　And　his　face　became　so

beautiful　that　it　shattered　my

heart。　I　reached　for　him；　but　he　took　a　step　away；　raising　his　hands　like　a

shield。　And　then　Edward

vanished。

I　wasn't　sure；　when　I　woke　in　the　dark；　if　I'd　just　begun　crying；　or　if　my

tears　had　run　while　I　slept　and

simply　continued　now。　I　stared　at　my　dark　cei