第45部分(第3/7 頁)

asking；　and　then　pulled　me

next　to　his　side　to　keep　his

arm　tight　around　me。　I　leaned　my　head　against　his　chest。

〃How　will　you　get　home？〃　I　asked。

〃I'm　not　going　home。　We　still　haven't　caught　the　bloodsucker；　remember？〃

My　next　shudder　had　nothing　to　do　with　cold。

It　was　a　quiet　ride　after　that。　The　cold　air　had　woken　me　up。　My　mind　was

alert；　and　it　was　working　very

hard　and　very　fast。

What　if？　What　was　the　right　thing　to　do？

I　couldn't　imagine　my　life　without　Jacob　now—I　cringed　away　from　the　idea　of

even　trying　to　imagine

that。　Somehow；　he'd　bee　essential　to　my　survival。　But　to　leave　things　the

way　they　were　was　that

cruel；　as　Mike　had　accused？

I　remembered　wishing　that　Jacob　were　my　brother。　I　realized　now　that　all　I

really　wanted　was　a　claim　on

him。　It　didn't　feel　brotherly　when　he　held　me　like　this。　It　just　felt　nice—

warm　and　forting　and　familiar。

Safe。　Jacob　was　a　safe　harbor。

I　could　stake　a　claim。　I　had　that　much　within　my　power。

I'd　have　to　tell　him　everything；　I　knew　that。　It　was　the　only　way　to　be　fair。

I'd　have　to　explain　it　right；　so

that　he'd　know　I　wasn't　settling；　that　he　was　much　too　good　for　me。　He　already

knew　I　was　broken；　that

part　wouldn't　surprise　him；　but　he'd　need　to　know　the　extent　of　it。　I'd　even

have　to　admit　that　I　was

crazy—explain　about　the　voices　I　heard。　He'd　need　to　know　everything　before

he　made　a　decision。

But；　even　as　I　recognized　that　necessity；　I　knew　he　would　take　me　in　spite　of

it　all。　He　wouldn't　even

pause　to　think　it　through。

I　would　have　to　mit　to　this—mit　as　much　of　me　as　there　was　left；　every

on