第26部分(第5/7 頁)

　little　sick　myself；　but　not　for　any　physical　reason。

How　much　I　wished　that　Jacob　Black　had　been　born　my　brother；　my　flesh…and　…

blood　brother；　so　that　I

would　have　some　legitimate　claim　on　him　that　still　left　me　free　of　any　blame

now。　Heaven　knows　I　had

never　wanted　to　use　Jacob；　but　I　couldn't　help　but　interpret　the　guilt　I　felt

now　to　mean　that　I　had。

Even　more；　I　had　never　meant　to　love　him。　One　thing　I　truly　knew—knew　it　in

the　pit　of　my　stomach；　in

the　center　of　my　bones；　knew　it　from　the　crown　of　my　head　to　the　soles　of　my

feet；　knew　it　deep　in　my

empty　chest—was　how　love　gave　someone　the　power　to　break　you。

I'd　been　broken　beyond　repair。

But　I　needed　Jacob　now；　needed　him　like　a　drug。　I'd　used　him　as　a　crutch　for

too　long；　and　I　was　in

deeper　than　I'd　planned　to　go　with　anyone　again。　Now　I　couldn't　bear　for　him

to　be　hurt；　and　I　couldn't

keep　from　hurting　him；　either。　He　thought　time　and　patience　would　change　me；

and；　though　I　knew　he

was　dead　wrong；　I　also　knew　that　I　would　let　him　try。

He　was　my　best　friend。　I　would　always　love　him；　and　it　would　never；　ever　be

enough。

I　went　inside　to　sit　by　the　phone　and　bite　my　nails。

〃Movie　over　already？〃　Charlie　asked　in　surprise　when　I　came　in。　He　was　on　the

floor；　just　a　foot　from　the

TV。　Must　be　an　exciting　game。

〃Mike　got　sick；〃　I　explained。　〃Some　kind　of　stomach　flu。〃

〃You　okay？〃

〃I　feel　fine　now；〃　I　said　doubtfully。　Clearly；　I'd　been　exposed。

I　leaned　against　the　kitchen　counter；　my　hand　inches　from　the　phone；　and　tried

to　wait　patiently。　I　thought

of　the　strange　look　on　Jacob's　face　before　he　drove　awa