第11部分(第6/7 頁)

ell　me　what　you　do　want　me　to　do。〃

〃Bella；〃　he　hesitated；　scrutinizing　my　reaction　to　his　next　words。　〃Honey；

you're　not　the　first　person　to　go

through　this　kind　of　thing；　you　know。〃

〃I　know　that。〃　My　acpanying　grimace　was　limp　and　unimpressive。

〃Listen；　honey。　I　think　that—that　maybe　you　need　some　help。〃

〃Help？〃

He　paused；　searching　for　the　words　again。　〃When　your　mother　left；〃　he　began；

frowning；　〃and　took　you

with　her。〃　He　inhaled　deeply。　〃Well；　that　was　a　really　bad　time　for　me。〃

〃I　know；　Dad；〃　I　mumbled。

〃But　I　handled　it；〃　he　pointed　out。　〃Honey；　you're　not　handling　it。　I　waited；

I　hoped　it　would　get　better。〃

He　stared　at　me　and　I　looked　down　quickly。　〃I　think　we　both　know　it's　not

getting　better。〃

〃I'mfine。〃

He　ignored　me。　〃Maybe；　well；　maybe　if　you　talked　to　someone　about　it。　A

professional。〃

〃You　want　me　to　see　a　shrink？〃　My　voice　was　a　shade　sharper　as　I　realized　what

he　was　getting　at。

〃Maybe　it　would　help。〃

〃And　maybe　it　wouldn't　help　one　little　bit。〃

I　didn't　know　much　about　psychoanalysis；　but　I　was　pretty　sure　that　it　didn't

work　unless　the　subject　was

relatively　honest。　Sure；　I　could　tell　the　truth—if　I　wanted　to　spend　the　rest

of　my　life　in　a　padded　cell。

He　examined　my　obstinate　expression；　and　switched　to　another　line　of　attack。

〃It's　beyond　me；　Bella。　Maybe　your　mother—〃

〃Look；〃　I　said　in　a　flat　voice。　〃I'll　go　out　tonight；　if　you　want。　I'll　call

Jess　or　Angela。〃

〃That's　not　what　I　want；〃　he　argued；　frustrated。　〃I　don't　think　I　can　live

through　seeing　you　try　harder。

I've　never　seen　anyone　trying　so　hard。　It　hurts　to　watch。〃