第4部分(第3/7 頁)

ead：　such　dread　as　children　only　can　feel。

No　severe　or　prolonged　bodily　illness　followed　this　incident　of　the　red…room；　it　only　gave　my　nerves　a　shock　of　which　I　feel　the　reverberation　to　this　day。　Yes；　Mrs。　Reed；　to　you　I　owe　some　fearful　pangs　of　mental　suffering；　but　I　ought　to　forgive　you；　for　you　knew　not　what　you　did：　while　rending　my　heart…strings；　you　thought　you　were　only　uprooting　my　bad　propensities。

Next　day；　by　noon；　I　was　up　and　dressed；　and　sat　wrapped　in　a　shawl　by　the　nursery　hearth。　I　felt　physically　weak　and　broken　down：　but　my　worse　ailment　was　an　unutterable　wretchedness　of　mind：　a　wretchedness　which　kept　drawing　from　me　silent　tears；　no　sooner　had　I　wiped　one　salt　drop　from　my　cheek　than　another　followed。　Yet；　I　thought；　I　ought　to　have　been　happy；　for　none　of　the　Reeds　were　there；　they　were　all　gone　out　in　the　carriage　with　their　mama。　Abbot；　too；　was　sewing　in　another　room；　and　Bessie；　as　she　moved　hither　and　thither；　putting　away　toys　and　arranging　drawers；　addressed　to　me　every　now　and　then　a　word　of　unwonted　kindness。　This　state　of　things　should　have　been　to　me　a　paradise　of　peace；　accustomed　as　I　was　to　a　life　of　ceaseless　reprimand　and　thankless　fagging；　but；　in　fact；　my　racked　nerves　were　now　in　such　a　state　that　no　calm　could　soothe；　and　no　pleasure　excite　them　agreeably。

Bessie　had　been　down　into　the　kitchen；　and　she　brought　up　with　her　a　tart　on　a　certain　brightly　painted　china　plate；　whose　bird　of　paradise；　nestling　in　a　wreath　of　convolvuli　and　rosebuds；　had　been　wont　to　stir　in　me　a　most　enthusiastic　sense　of　admiration；　and　which　plate　I　had　often　petitioned　to　be　allowed　to　take　in　my　hand　in　order　to　examine　it　more　closely；　but　had　always　hitherto　been　deemed　unworthy　of　such　a　privilege。　This　precious　vessel