第8部分(第1/7 頁)

her　repulse　me　with　double　scorn；　thereby　re…exciting　every　turbulent　impulse　of　my　nature。

I　would　fain　exercise　some　better　faculty　than　that　of　fierce　speaking；　fain　find　nourishment　for　some　less　fiendish　feeling　than　that　of　sombre　indignation。　I　took　a　book—some　Arabian　tales；　I　sat　down　and　endeavoured　to　read。　I　could　make　no　sense　of　the　subject；　my　own　thoughts　swam　always　between　me　and　the　page　I　had　usually　found　fascinating。　I　opened　the　glass…door　in　the　breakfast…room：　the　shrubbery　was　quite　still：　the　black　frost　reigned；　unbroken　by　sun　or　breeze；　through　the　grounds。　I　covered　my　head　and　arms　with　the　skirt　of　my　frock；　and　went　out　to　walk　in　a　part　of　the　plantation　which　was　quite　sequestrated；　but　I　found　no　pleasure　in　the　silent　trees；　the　falling　fir…cones；　the　congealed　relics　of　autumn；　russet　leaves；　swept　by　past　winds　in　heaps；　and　now　stiffened　together。　I　leaned　against　a　gate；　and　looked　into　an　empty　field　where　no　sheep　were　feeding；　where　the　short　grass　was　nipped　and　blanched。　It　was　a　very　grey　day；　a　most　opaque　sky；　“onding　on　snaw；”　canopied　all；　thence　flakes　felt　it　intervals；　which　settled　on　the　hard　path　and　on　the　hoary　lea　without　melting。　I　stood；　a　wretched　child　enough；　whispering　to　myself　over　and　over　again；　“What　shall　I　do？—what　shall　I　do？”

All　at　once　I　heard　a　clear　voice　call；　“Miss　Jane！　where　are　you？　e　to　lunch！”

It　was　Bessie；　I　knew　well　enough；　but　I　did　not　stir；　her　light　step　came　tripping　down　the　path。

“You　naughty　little　thing！”　she　said。　“Why　don’t　you　e　when　you　are　called？”

Bessie’s　presence；　pared　with　the　thoughts　over　which　I　had　been　brooding；　seemed　cheerful；　even　though；　as　usual；　she　was　somewhat　cross。　The　fact　is；　after　my　conflict　with　and　vict