第3部分(第2/7 頁)

r　twelve；　let　me　dare　to　hope　humbly　for　five　or　six。　That　is　a　great　many。　Five　or　six　spring…times；　weled　joyously；　lovingly　watched　from　the　first　celandine　to　the　budding　of　the　rose；　who　shall　dare　to　call　it　a　stinted　boon？　Five　or　six　times　the　miracle　of　earth　reclad；　the　vision　of　splendour　and　loveliness　which　tongue　has　never　yet　described；　set　before　my　gazing。　To　think　of　it　is　to　fear　that　I　ask　too　much。

VII

〃Homo　animal　querulum　cupide　suis　incumbens　miseriis。〃　I　wonder　where　that　es　from。　I　found　it　once　in　Charron；　quoted　without　reference；　and　it　has　often　been　in　my　mind……a　dreary　truth；　well　worded。　At　least；　it　was　a　truth　for　me　during　many　a　long　year。　Life；　I　fancy；　would　very　often　be　insupportable；　but　for　the　luxury　of　self…passion；　in　cases　numberless；　this　it　must　be　that　saves　from　suicide。　For　some　there　is　great　relief　in　talking　about　their　miseries；　but　such　gossips　lack　the　profound　solace　of　misery　nursed　in　silent　brooding。　Happily；　the　trick　with　me　has　never　been　retrospective；　indeed；　it　was　never；　even　with　regard　to　instant　suffering；　a　habit　so　deeply　rooted　as　to　bee　a　mastering　vice。　I　knew　my　own　weakness　when　I　yielded　to　it；　I　despised　myself　when　it　brought　me　fort；　I　could　laugh　scornfully；　even　〃cupide　meis　incumbens　miseriis。〃　And　now；　thanks　be　to　the　unknown　power　which　rules　us；　my　past　has　buried　its　dead。　More　than　that；　I　can　accept　with　sober　cheerfulness　the　necessity　of　all　I　lived　through。　So　it　was　to　be；　so　it　was。　For　this　did　Nature　shape　me；　with　what　purpose；　I　shall　never　know；　but；　in　the　sequence　of　things　eternal；　this　was　my　place。

Could　I　have　achieved　so　much　philosophy　if；　as　I　ever　feared；　the　closing　years　of　my　life　had　passed　in　helpless　indigence？　Should　I　not　have　sun