第4部分(第6/7 頁)

oring；　of　course；　never　occurred　to　me；　I　just　locked　my　door；　and；　if　I　felt　very　bad　indeed；　went　to　bed……to　lie　there；　without　food　or　drink；　till　I　was　able　to　look　after　myself　again。　I　could　never　ask　from　a　landlady　anything　which　was　not　in　our　bond；　and　only　once　or　twice　did　I　receive　spontaneous　offer　of　help。　Oh；　it　is　wonderful　to　think　of　all　that　youth　can　endure！　What　a　poor　feeble　wretch　I　now　seem　to　myself；　when　I　remember　thirty　years　ago！

XI

Would　I　live　it　over　again；　that　life　of　the　garret　and　the　cellar？　Not　with　the　assurance　of　fifty　years'　contentment　such　as　I　now　enjoy　to　follow　upon　it！　With　man's　infinitely　pathetic　power　of　resignation；　one　sees　the　thing　on　its　better　side；　forgets　all　the　worst　of　it；　makes　out　a　case　for　the　resolute　optimist。　Oh；　but　the　waste　of　energy；　of　zeal；　of　youth！　In　another　mood；　I　could　shed　tears　over　that　spectacle　of　rare　vitality　condemned　to　sordid　strife。　The　pity　of　it！　And……if　our　conscience　mean　anything　at　all……the　bitter　wrong！

Without　seeking　for　Utopia；　think　what　a　man's　youth　might　be。　I　suppose　not　one　in　every　thousand　uses　half　the　possibilities　of　natural　joy　and　delightful　effort　which　lie　in　those　years　between　seventeen　and　seven…and…twenty。　All　but　all　men　have　to　look　back　upon　beginnings　of　life　deformed　and　discoloured　by　necessity；　accident；　wantonness。　If　a　young　man　avoid　the　grosser　pitfalls；　if　he　keep　his　eye　fixed　steadily　on　what　is　called　the　main　chance；　if；　without　flagrant　selfishness；　he　prudently　subdue　every　interest　to　his　own　（by　〃interest〃　understanding　only　material　good）；　he　is　putting　his　youth　to　profit；　he　is　an　exemplar　and　a　subject　of　pride。　I　doubt　whether；　in　our　civilization；　any　other　ideal　is　easy　of　pursuit　by　the　youngster　face