第27部分(第6/7 頁)

eem　to　be　a　considerable　clearing　of　the　field；　but　it　leaves　what　is　practically　the　infinite。　To　run　over　a　list　of　only　my　favourite　subjects；　those　to　which；　all　my　life　long；　I　have　more　or　less　applied　myself；　studies　which　hold　in　my　mind　the　place　of　hobbies；　is　to　open　vistas　of　intellectual　despair。　In　an　old　note…book　I　jotted　down　such　a　list……〃things　I　hope　to　know；　and　to　know　well。〃　I　was　then　four　and　twenty。　Reading　it　with　the　eyes　of　fifty…four；　I　must　needs　laugh。　There　appear　such　modest　items　as　〃The　history　of　the　Christian　Church　up　to　the　Reformation〃……〃all　Greek　poetry〃……〃The　field　of　Mediaeval　Romance〃……〃German　literature　from　Lessing　to　Heine〃……〃Dante！〃　Not　one　of　these　shall　I　ever　〃know；　and　know　well〃；　not　any　one　of　them。　Yet　here　I　am　buying　books　which　lead　me　into　endless　paths　of　new　temptation。　What　have　I　to　do　with　Egypt？　Yet　I　have　been　beguiled　by　Flinders　Petrie　and　by　Maspero。　How　can　I　pretend　to　meddle　with　the　ancient　geography　of　Asia　Minor？　Yet　here　have　I　bought　Prof。　Ramsay's　astonishing　book；　and　have　even　read　with　a　sort　of　troubled　enjoyment　a　good　many　pages　of　it；　troubled；　because　I　have　but　to　reflect　a　moment；　and　I　see　that　all　this　kind　of　thing　is　mere　futile　effort　of　the　intellect　when　the　time　for　serious　intellectual　effort　is　over。

It　all　means；　of　course；　that；　owing　to　defective　opportunity；　owing；　still　more　perhaps；　to　lack　of　method　and　persistence；　a　possibility　that　was　in　me　has　been　wasted；　lost。　My　life　has　been　merely　tentative；　a　broken　series　of　false　starts　and　hopeless　new　beginnings。　If　I　allowed　myself　to　indulge　that　mood；　I　could　revolt　against　the　ordinance　which　allows　me　no　second　chance。　O　mihi　praeteritos　referat　si　Jupiter　annos！　If　I　could　but　start　again；　with　only　the　e