第5部分(第6/7 頁)

e　affair　to　a　head　by　a　formal　engagement；　which　there　was　no　doubt　I　could　have　done　at　that　time。

For　certain　reasons；　however；　it　was　impossible　for　me　to　get　leave　at　the　moment。　Yet　the　matter　was　one　that　would　admit　of　no　delay。　In　this　emergency　I　went　to　my　chief；　Sir　Theophilus　Shepstone；　told　him　how　things　stood　and　obtained　a　promise　from　him　that　if　I　resigned　my　appointment　in　order　to　visit　England；　as　it　was　necessary　I　should　do；　he　would　make　arrangements　to　ensure　my　reappointment　either　to　that　or　to　some　other　billet　on　my　return。

I　suppose　that　I　did　not　make　all　this　quite　clear　in　my　letters　home；　and　almost　certainly　I　did　not　explain　why　it　was　necessary　for　me　to　e　home。　The　result　was　that　the　day　before　I　started；　after　I　had　sent　my　luggage　forward　to　Cape　Town；　I　received　a　most　painful　letter　from　my　father。　Evidently　he　thought　or　feared　that　I　was　abandoning　a　good　career　in　Africa　and　about　to　e　back　upon　his　hands。　Although　it　was　far　from　the　fact；　this　view　may　or　may　not　have　been　justified。　What　I　hold　even　now　was　not　justified　was　the　harsh　way　in　which　it　was　expressed。　The　words　I　have　forgotten；　for　I　destroyed　the　letter　many　years　ago；　immediately　upon　its　receipt；　I　think；　but　the　sting　of　them　after　so　long　an　absence　I　remember　well　enough；　though　some　four…and…thirty　years　have　passed　since　they　were　written；　a　generation　ago。

They　hurt　me　so　much　that　immediately　after　reading　them　I　withdrew　my　formal　resignation　and　cancelled　the　passage　I　had　taken　in　the　post…cart　to　Kimberley　en　route　for　the　Cape　and　England。　As　a　result　the　course　of　two　lives　was　changed。　The　lady　married　someone　else；　with　results　that　were　far　from　fortunate；　and　the　effect　upon　myself　was　not　good。　I　know　now　that　all　w