第18部分(第1/7 頁)

t　the　same　time　as　despatches　announcing　the　Annexation。　When　the　Proclamation　will　go　I　cannot　say；　but　I　think　it　will　be　in　the　course　of　the　next　fortnight。　We　received　news　to…night　that　the　troops　and　guns　are　on　the　way　to　Newcastle。　I　shall　start　by　mail　following　the　issue　of　the　Proclamation。

We　are　going　on　as　usual　here　working　in　the　dark　（we　are　beginning　to　emerge　now）　and　waiting　the　result。　It　has　been　an　anxious　business；　but　I　think　that　we　are　all　right　now。

I　had　rather　that　my　letters　were　not　shown；　as　we　do　not　quite　know　what　line　the　Home　Government　is　going　to　take；　and　I　have　spoken　pretty　plainly。　＇All　these　letters　to　which　I　refer　here　are　missing。　—　H。　R。　H。＇

It　was　after　my　return　from　Secocoeni’s　and；　I　think；　within　a　day　or　two　of　the　Proclamation　being　issued；　that　I　received　that　harsh　epistle　from　my　father　of　which　I　have　written　earlier　in　this　book；　that；　as　I　have　said；　caused　me　at　the　last　moment　not　to　start　for　England。　It　was　a　very　foolish　act　on　my　part；　as　the　reader　who　studies　the　facts　will　see。　I　should　have　remembered　that　when　he　wrote　his　letter　my　father　could　not　have　known　that　I　was　ing　home　in　this　important　position；　namely　to　give　viva…voce　information　to　Lord　Carnarvon　as　to　all　the　circumstances　connected　with　the　Annexation。　Nor；　although　I　have　little　doubt　that　my　mother　and　my　sister　Mary；　now　Baroness　A。　d’Ahan；　were　privy　to　the　secret　and　private　reasons　for　my　journey；　to　which　I　have　also　already　alluded；　was　he　perhaps　aware　of　them。　However；　so　I　acted　in　my　hurt　pride　and　anger；　and　there　the　thing　remains。　I　may　say　in　excuse　of　this　want　of　judgment　that　I　was　very　young；　only　twenty；　and　that　I　had　to　make　up　my　mind　on　the　spot　while；　as　the　Zulus　say；　“my　heart　w