第69部分(第6/7 頁)

sly；　and　drown

him　or　leave　him　to　describe　in　glowing　terms　the　only　horse　picture　he’d　ever

seen　in　his　life—in　who　knows　how　poor　a　manuscript　copy。　I　came　up　with　a

third alternative； and that was to drop my spoon and quit the shop。 After

walking　for　a　long　while　I　entered　the　abandoned　dervish　lodge；　where　I　was

overe　with　a　sense　of　peace。　I　tidied　up　and　without　doing　anything　else；　I

listened　to　the　silence。

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Later；　I　removed　the　mirror　from　where　I　kept　it　hidden　and　set　it　upon　the

low　worktable。　Next；　I　placed　the　two…page　illustration　and　the　drawing　board

on my lap。 When I could see my face in the mirror from where I sat； I

attempted　to　draw　my　portrait　in　charcoal。　I　drew　for　a　long　time；　patiently。

Much　later；　when　I　saw　that　once　again　the　face　on　the　page　didn’t　resemble

my face in the mirror； I was filled with such misery that tears welled in my

eyes。　How　did　the　Veian　painters　that　Enishte　described　with　such　flourish

do　it？　I　then　imagined　myself　to　be　one　of　them；　thinking　that　if　I　illustrated　in

that　state　of　mind；　I　could　perhaps　make　a　convincing　self…portrait。

Later　still；　I　cursed　the　European　painters　and　Enishte　both；　erased　what　I’d

done　and　began　looking　into　the　mirror　anew　to　begin　another　drawing。

Ultimately； I found myself wandering the streets again； and then； here； at

this　despicable　coffeehouse。　I　wasn’t　even　sure　how　I　happened　to　e　here。

As　I　entered；　I　felt　such　embarrassment　about　mingling　with　these　miserable

miniaturists　and　calligraphers　that　sweat　accumulated　on　my　forehead。

I sensed that they were watchi