第100部分(第3/7 頁)

This　is　what　occurred　to　me　the　moment　before　I　was　beheaded：　The　ship

shall　depart　from　the　harbor；　this　was　joined　in　my　mind　with　a　mand　to

hurry； it was the way my mother would say “hurry” when I was a child。

Mother；　my　neck　aches　and　all　is　still。

This　is　what　they　call　death。

But　I　knew　that　I　wasn’t　dead　yet。　My　punctured　pupils　were　motionless；

but　I　could　still　see　quite　well　through　my　open　eyes。

What　I　saw　from　ground　level　filled　my　thoughts：　The　road　inclining　slightly

upward；　the　wall；　the　arch；　the　roof　of　the　workshop；　the　sky…this　is　how　the

picture　receded。

It　seemed　as　if　this　moment　of　observation　went　on　and　on　and　I　realized

seeing had bee a variety of memory。 I was reminded of what I thought

when staring for hours at a beautiful picture： If you stare long enough your

mind　enters　the　time　of　the　painting。

All　time　had　now　bee　this　time。

It　seemed　as　if　no　one　would　see　me；　as　my　thoughts　faded　away；　my　mud…

covered head would go on staring at this melancholy incline； the stone wall

and　the　nearby　yet　unattainable　mulberry　and　chestnut　trees　for　years。

This　endless　waiting　suddenly　assumed　such　bitter　and　tedious　proportions；

I　wanted　nothing　more　than　to　quit　this　time。

437

I；　SHEKURE

Black　had　hidden　us　away　in　the　house　of　a　distant　relative；　where　I　spent　a

sleepless　night。　In　the　bed　where　I　curled　up　with　Hayriye　and　the　children；　I

was　occasionally　able　to　nod　off　amid　the　sounds　of　snoring　and　coughing；　but

in　my　restless　dreams；　I　saw　strange　creatures　and　women　whose　arms　and　legs

had been severed and