第39部分(第2/7 頁)

ut of fear after doing away with

that　wicked　slanderer；　or　how　much　I　improvised。　Having　devoted　much　of　the

conversation to flattery； I was anticipating that Enishte Effendi would show

me the two…page illustration and put me at ease。 Why didn’t he realize this

was　the　only　way　I　might　overe　my　fears　about　being　mired　in　sin？

Intending to startle him； I defiantly asked； “Might one be capable of

making　blasphemous　art　without　being　aware　of　it？”

In place of an answer； he gestured very delicately and elegantly with his

hand—as if to warn me there was a child sleeping in the room—and I fell

pletely silent。 “It has bee very dark；” he said； almost in a whisper；

“let’s　light　the　candle。”

175

After　lighting　the　candlestick　from　the　hot　coals　of　the　brazier　which　heated

the room； I noticed in his face an expression of pride； one to which I was

unaccustomed；　and　this　displeased　me　greatly。　Or　was　it　an　expression　of　pity？

Had　he　figured　everything　out？　Was　he　thinking　that　I　was　some　sort　of　a　base

murderer　or　was　he　frightened　by　me？　I　remember　how　suddenly　my　thoughts

spiraled out of control and I was stupidly listening to what I thought as if

somebody　else　was　thinking。　The　carpet　beneath　me；　for　example：　There　was　a

kind　of　wolflike　design　in　one　corner；　but　why　hadn’t　I　noticed　it　before？

“The love all khans； shahs and sultans feel for paintings； illustrations and

fine books can be divided into three seasons；” said Enishte Effendi。 “At first

they　are　bold；　eager　and　curious。　Rulers　want　painting