第8部分(第1/7 頁)

us　off　the　stairwell　outside　the　kitchen。

34

“Drrsss；”　she　said　into　the　stable。

She　turned　around　and　guided　us　into　Hayriye’s　greasy…smelling　and　mice…

ridden　kitchen。　She　forced　us　to　sit　down。　“Don’t　even　consider　standing　until

our guest leaves。 And don’t fight with each other or else people will think

you’re　spoiled。”

“Mother；”　I　said　to　her　before　she　closed　the　kitchen　door。　“I　want　to　say

something；　Mother：　They’ve　done　our　grandfather’s　gilder　in。”

35

I　AM　CALLED　BLACK

When I first laid eyes on her child； I knew at once what I’d long and

mistakenly recalled about Shekure’s face。 Like Orhan’s face； hers was thin；

though　her　chin　was　longer　than　what　I　remembered。　So；　then　the　mouth　of

my beloved was surely smaller and narrower than I imagined it to be。 For a

dozen　years；　as　I　ventured　from　city　to　city；　I’d　widened　Shekure’s　mouth　out

of　desire　and　had　imagined　her　lips　to　be　more　pert；　fleshy　and　irresistible；　like

a　large；　shiny　cherry。

Had I taken Shekure’s portrait with me； rendered in the style of the

Veian　masters；　I　wouldn’t　have　felt　such　loss　during　my　long　travels　when　I

could scarcely remember my beloved； whose face I’d left somewhere behind

me。　For　if　a　lover’s　face　survives　emblazoned　on　your　heart；　the　world　is　still

your　home。

Meeting　Shekure’s　youngest　son　and　speaking　with　him；　seeing　his　face　up

close　and　kissing　him；　aroused　in　me　a　restlessness　peculiar　to　the　luckless；　to

murderers　and　to　sinners。　An　inner　voice　urged　me　on；　“Be　quick　now；　go　and

see　her。”

For a while； I con