第43部分(第2/7 頁)

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mothers；　wives　from　their　husbands；　lovers　from　each　other　and　fathers　from

their　daughters。　No　mortal　in　this　world　avoids　meeting　me。”

191

When　I　knew　death　was　unavoidable；　I　wept。

My tears made me profoundly thirsty。 On the one hand there was the

stupefying agony of my face and eyes drenched in blood； on the other hand

there　was　the　place　where　frenzy　and　cruelty　ceased；　yet　that　place　was　strange

and　terrifying。　I　knew　it　to　be　that　illumined　realm；　the　Land　of　the　Dead；　to

which Azrael beckoned me； and I was frightened。 Even so； I knew I couldn’t

long　remain　in　this　world　that　caused　me　to　writhe　and　howl　in　agony。　In　this

land　of　frightful　pain　and　torment；　there　was　no　place　for　me　to　take　solace。　To

stay； I’d have to resign myself to this unbearable torment and this was

impossible　in　my　elderly　condition。

Just　before　I　died；　I　actually　longed　for　my　death；　and　at　the　same　time；　I

understood　the　answer　to　the　question　that　I’d　spent　my　entire　life　pondering；

the answer I couldn’t find in books： How was it that everybody； without

exception； succeeded in dying？ It was precisely through this simple desire to

pass　on。　I　also　understood　that　death　would　make　me　a　wiser　man。

Noheless；　I　was　overe　with　the　indecision　of　a　man　about　to　take　a

long　journey　and　unable　to　refrain　from　taking　one　last　glance　at　his　room；　at

his　belongings　and　his　home。　In　a　panic　I　wished　to　see　my　daughter　one　last

time。　I　wanted　this　so　badly　I　was　prepared　to　grit　my　teeth　for　a　while　longer

and　endure　the　pain　and　my　increasing　thirst；　to　wait　for　Shekure