第47部分(第3/7 頁)

t　just　any　prisoner；　but　one　who　had　been　tried　and　convicted　for　the　murder　of　two　little　girls；　and　sentenced　to　die　for　the　crime。　My　belief　that　he　was　innocent　wouldn't　matter　if　we　were　caught；　we　would　go　to　jail　ourselves；　and　probably　Dean　Stanton　would；　too。　I　had　thrown　over　a　life　of　work　and　belief　because　of　one　bad　execution　and　because　I　believed　the　overgrown　lummox　sitting　beside　me　might　be　able　to　cure　a　woman's　inoperable　brain　tumor。　Yet　watching　john　watch　the　stars；　I　realized　with　dismay　that　I　no　longer　did　believe　that；　if　I　ever　really　had；　my　urinary　infection　seemed　faraway　and　unimportant　now；　as　such　harsh　and　painful　things　always　do　once　they　are　past　（if　a　woman　could　really　remember　how　bad　it　hurt　to　have　her　first　baby；　my　mother　once　said；　she'd　never　have　a　second）。　As　for　Mr。　Jingles；　wasn't　it　possible；　even　likely；　that　we　had　been　wrong　about　how　badly　Percy　had　hurt　him？　Or　that　John　…　who　really　did　have　some　kind　of　hypnotic　power；　there　was　no　doubt　of　that　much；　at　least　…　had　somehow　fooled　us　into　thinking　we'd　seen　something　we　hadn't　seen　at　all？　Then　there　was　the　matter　of　Hal　Moores。　On　the　day　I'd　surprised　him　in　his　office；　I'd　encountered　a　palsied；　weepy　old　man。　But　I　didn't　think　that　was　the　truest　side　of　the　warden。　I　thought　the　real　Warden　Moores　was　the　man　who'd　once　broken　the　wrist　of　a　skatehound　who　tried　to　stab　him；　the　man　who　had　pointed　out　to　me　with　cynical　accuracy　that　Delacroix's　nuts　were　going　to　cook　no　matter　who　was　out　front　on　the　execution　team。　Did　I　think　that　Hal　Moores　would　stand　meekly　aside　and　let　us　bring　a　convicted　child…murderer　into　his　house　to　lay　hands　on　his　wife？

My　doubt　grew　like　a　sickness　as　we　rode　along。　I　simply　did　not　understand　why　I　had　done　th