第58部分(第3/7 頁)

　and　Harry；　who　were　setting　up　the　last　of　the　chairs　behind　us；　would　overhear。　〃I　done　a　few　things　in　my　life　that　I'm　not　proud　of；　but　this　is　the　first　time　I　ever　felt　really　actually　in　danger　of　hell。〃

I　looked　at　him　to　make　sure　he　wasn't　joking。　I　didn't　think　he　was。　〃What　do　you　mean？〃

〃I　mean　we're　fixing　to　kill　a　gift　of　God〃；　he　said。　〃One　that　never　did　ary　harm　to　us；　or　to　anyone　else。　What　am　I　going　to　say　if　I　end　up　standing　in　front　of　God　the　Father　Almighty　and　He　asks　me　to　explain　why　I　did　it？　That　it　was　my　job？　My　job？〃

8。

When　John　got　back　from　his　shower　and　the　floaters　had　left；　I　unlocked　his　cell；　went　in；　and　sat　down　on　the　bunk　beside　him。　Brutal　was　on　the　desk。　He　looked　up；　saw　me　in　there　on　my　own；　but　said　nothing。　He　just　went　back　to　whatever　paperwork　he　was　currently　mangling；　licking　away　at　the　tip　of　his　pencil　the　whole　time。

John　looked　at　me　with　his　strange　eyes　…　bloodshot；　distant；　on　the　verge　of　tears　。。。　and　yet　calm；　too；　as　if　crying　was　not　such　a　bad　way　of　life；　not　once　you　got　used　to　it。　He　even　smiled　a　little。　He　smelled　of　Ivory　soap；　I　remember；　as　clean　and　fresh　as　a　baby　after　his　evening　bath。

〃Hello；　boss；〃　he　said；　and　then　reached　out　and　took　both　of　my　hands　in　both　of　his。　It　was　done　with　a　perfect　unstudied　naturalness。

〃Hello；　John　。〃　There　was　a　little　block　in　my　throat；　and　I　tried　to　swallow　it　away。　〃I　guess　you　know　that　we're　ing　down　to　it　now。　Another　couple　of　days。〃

He　said　nothing；　only　sat　there　holding　my　hands　in　his。　I　think；　looking　back　on　it；　that　something　had　already　begun　to　happen　to　me；　but　I　was　too　fixed　…　mentally　and　emotionally　…　on　doing　my　duty　to　notice。

〃Is　there　anything　special　you'd