第48部分(第4/5 頁)

get　that。　I　guess　the　real　question　is　whatˇs　going　to　be　left　when　we　get　home？〃　he　says。

¨I　donˇt　know。　The　closer　we　get　to　District　Twelve；　the　more　confused　I　get；〃　I　say。　He　waits；　for　further　explanation；　but　noneˇs　forthing。

¨Well；　let　me　know　when　you　work　it　out；〃　he　says；　and　the　pain　in　his　voice　is　palpable。

I　know　my　ears　are　healed　because；　even　with　the　rumble　of　the　engine；　I　can　hear　every　step　he　takes　back　to　the　train。　By　the　time　Iˇve　climbed　aboard；　Peeta　has　disappeared　into　his　room　for　the　night。　I　donˇt　see　him　the　next　morning；　either。　In　fact；　the　next　time　he　turns　up；　weˇre　pulling　into　District　12。　He　gives　me　a　nod；　his　face　expressionless。

I　want　to　tell　him　that　heˇs　not　being　fair。　That　we　were　strangers。　That　I　did　what　it　took　to　stay　alive；　to　keep　us　both　alive　in　the　arena。　That　I　canˇt　explain　how　things　are　with　Gale　because　I　donˇt　know　myself。　That　itˇs　no　good　loving　me　because　Iˇm　never　going　to　get　married　anyway　and　heˇd　just　end　up　hating　me　later　instead　of　sooner。　That　if　I　do　have　feelings　for　him；　it　doesnˇt　matter　because　Iˇll　never　be　able　to　afford　the　kind　of　love　that　leads　to　a　family；　to　children。　And　how　can　he？　How　can　he　after　what　weˇve　just　been　through？

I　also　want　to　tell　him　how　much　I　already　miss　him。　But　that　wouldnˇt　be　fair　on　my　part。

So　we　just　stand　there　silently；　watching　our　grimy　little　station　rise　up　around　us。　Through　the　window；　I　can　see　the　platformˇs　thick　with　cameras。　Everyone　will　be　eagerly　watching　our　homeing。

Out　of　the　corner　of　my　eye；　I　see　Peeta　extend　his　hand。　I　look　at　him；　unsure。　¨One　more　time？　For　the　audience？〃　he　says。　His　voice　isnˇt　angry。　Itˇs　hollow；　which　is　worse。　Already　the　boy　with　the　bread　is　slipping　awa