第4部分(第3/7 頁)

ould　be　expected　to　get　a　job。　Only　she　didnˇt。　She　didnˇt　do　anything　but　sit　propped　up　in　a　chair　or；　more　often；　huddled　under　the　blankets　on　her　bed；　eyes　fixed　on　some　point　in　the　distance。　Once　in　a　while；　sheˇd　stir；　get　up　as　if　moved　by　some　urgent　purpose；　only　to　then　collapse　back　into　stillness。　No　amount　of　pleading　from　Prim　seemed　to　affect　her。

I　was　terrified。　I　suppose　now　that　my　mother　was　locked　in　some　dark　world　of　sadness；　but　at　the　time；　all　I　knew　was　that　I　had　lost　not　only　a　father；　but　a　mother　as　well。　At　eleven　years　old；　with　Prim　just　seven；　I　took　over　as　head　of　the　family。　There　was　no　choice。　I　bought　our　food　at　the　market　and　cooked　it　as　best　I　could　and　tried　to　keep　Prim　and　myself　looking　presentable。　Because　if　it　had　bee　known　that　my　mother　could　no　longer　care　for　us；　the　district　would　have　taken　us　away　from　her　and　placed　us　in　the　munity　home。　Iˇd　grown　up　seeing　those　home　kids　at　school。　The　sadness；　the　marks　of　angry　hands　on　their　faces；　the　hopelessness

that　curled　their　shoulders　forward。　I　could　never　let　that　happen　to　Prim。　Sweet；　tiny　Prim　who　cried　when　I　cried　before　she　even　knew　the　reason；　who　brushed　and　plaited　my　motherˇs　hair　before　we　left　for　school；　who　still　polished　my　fatherˇs　shaving　mirror　each　night　because　heˇd　hated　the　layer　of　coal　dust　that　settled　on　everything　in　the　Seam。　The　munity　home　would　crush　her　like　a　bug。　So　I　kept　our　predicament　a　secret。

But　the　money　ran　out　and　we　were　slowly　starving　to　death。　Thereˇs　no　other　way　to　put　it。　I　kept　telling　myself　if　I　could　only　hold　out　until　May；　just　May　8th；　I　would　turn　twelve　and　be　able　to　sign　up　for　the　tesserae　and　get　that　precious　grain　and　oil　to　feed　us。　Only　there　were　still　several　weeks　to　g