第34部分(第2/7 頁)

her　pregnancy。　She　did　not　want　his　bitter…corrosive　love；　she

did　not　want　it　poured　into　her；　to　burn　her。　Why　must　she　have

it？　Why；　oh；　why　was　he　not　content；　contained？

She　sat　many　hours　by　the　window；　in　those　days　when　he　drove

her　most　with　the　black　constraint　of　his　will；　and　she　watched

the　rain　falling　on　the　yew　trees。　She　was　not　sad；　only

wistful；　blanched。　The　child　under　her　heart　was　a　perpetual

warmth。　And　she　was　sure。　The　pressure　was　only　upon　her　from

the　outside；　her　soul　had　no　stripes。

Yet　in　her　heart　itself　was　always　this　same　strain；　tense；

anxious。　She　was　not　safe；　she　was　always　exposed；　she　was

always　attacked。　There　was　a　yearning　in　her　for　a　fulness　of

peace　and　blessedness。　What　a　heavy　yearning　it　was……so

heavy。

She　knew；　vaguely；　that　all　the　time　he　was　not　satisfied；

all　the　time　he　was　trying　to　force　something　from　her。　Ah；　how

she　wished　she　could　succeed　with　him；　in　her　own　way！　He　was

there；　so　inevitable。　She　lived　in　him　also。　And　how　she　wanted

to　be　at　peace　with　him；　at　peace。　She　loved　him。　She　would　give

him　love；　pure　love。　With　a　strange；　rapt　look　in　her　face；　she

awaited　his　homeing　that　night。

Then；　when　he　came；　she　rose　with　her　hands　full　of　love；　as

of　flowers；　radiant；　innocent。　A　dark　spasm　crossed　his　face。　As

she　watched；　her　face　shining　and　flower…like　with　innocent

love；　his　face　grew　dark　and　tense；　the　cruelty　gathered　in　his

brows；　his　eyes　turned　aside；　she　saw　the　whites　of　his　eyes　as

he　looked　aside　from　her。　She　waited；　touching　him　with　her

hands。　But　from　his　body　through　her　hands　came　the