第36部分(第5/7 頁)

y？　The　great　mass

of　activity　in　which　mankind　was　engaged　meant　nothing　to　him。

By　nature；　he　had　no　part　in　it。　What　did　he　live　for；　then？　For

Anna　only；　and　for　the　sake　of　living？　What　did　he　want　on　this

earth？　Anna　only；　and　his　children；　and　his　life　with　his

children　and　her？　Was　there　no　more？

He　was　attended　by　a　sense　of　something　more；　something

further；　which　gave　him　absolute　being。　It　was　as　if　now　he

existed　in　Eternity；　let　Time　be　what　it　might。　What　was　there

outside？　The　fabricated　world；　that　he　did　not　believe　in？　What

should　he　bring　to　her；　from　outside？　Nothing？　Was　it　enough；　as

it　was？　He　was　troubled　in　his　acquiescence。　She　was　not　with

him。　Yet　he　scarcely　believed　in　himself；　apart　from　her；　though

the　whole　Infinite　was　with　him。　Let　the　whole　world　slide　down

and　over　the　edge　of　oblivion；　he　would　stand　alone。　But　he　was

unsure　of　her。　And　he　existed　also　in　her。　So　he　was　unsure。

He　hovered　near　to　her；　never　quite　able　to　forget　the　vague；

haunting　uncertainty；　that　seemed　to　challenge　him；　and　which　he

would　not　hear。　A　pang　of　dread；　almost　guilt；　as　of

insufficiency；　would　go　over　him　as　he　heard　her　talking　to　the

baby。　She　stood　before　the　window；　with　the　month…old　child　in

her　arms；　talking　in　a　musical；　young　sing…song　that　he　had　not

heard　before；　and　which　rang　on　his　heart　like　a　claim　from　the

distance；　or　the　voice　of　another　world　sounding　its　claim　on

him。　He　stood　near；　listening；　and　his　heart　surged；　surged　to

rise　and　submit。　Then　it　shrank　back　and　stayed　aloof。　He　could

not　move；　a　denial　was　upon　him；　as　if　he　could　not　deny

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