第53部分(第5/7 頁)

ess；　perfect　without　scar　or　blemish；　healthy

without　fear　of　ill　health？　Is　this　not　the　period　of　manhood

and　of　joy　and　fulfilment；　after　the　Resurrection？　Who　shall　be

shadowed　by　Death　and　the　Cross；　being　risen；　and　who　shall　fear

the　mystic；　perfect　flesh　that　belongs　to　heaven？

Can　I　not；　then；　walk　this　earth　in　gladness；　being　risen

from　sorrow？　Can　I　not　eat　with　my　brother　happily；　and　with　joy

kiss　my　beloved；　after　my　resurrection；　celebrate　my　marriage　in

the　flesh　with　feastings；　go　about　my　business　eagerly；　in　the

joy　of　my　fellows？　Is　heaven　impatient　for　me；　and　bitter

against　this　earth；　that　I　should　hurry　off；　or　that　I　should

linger　pale　and　untouched？　Is　the　flesh　which　was　crucified

bee　as　poison　to　the　crowds　in　the　street；　or　is　it　as　a

strong　gladness　and　hope　to　them；　as　the　first　flower　blossoming

out　of　the　earth's　humus？

CHAPTER　XII

FIRST　LOVE

As　Ursula　passed　from　girlhood　towards　womanhood；　gradually

the　cloud　of　self…responsibility　gathered　upon　her。　She　became

aware　of　herself；　that　she　was　a　separate　entity　in　the　midst　of

an　unseparated　obscurity；　that　she　must　go　somewhere；　she　must

bee　something。　And　she　was　afraid；　troubled。　Why；　oh　why　must

one　grow　up；　why　must　one　inherit　this　heavy；　numbing

responsibility　of　living　an　undiscovered　life？　Out　of　the

nothingness　and　the　undifferentiated　mass；　to　make　something　of

herself！　But　what？　In　the　obscurity　and　pathlessness　to　take　a

direction！　But　whither？　How　take　even　one　step？　And　yet；　how

stand　still？　This　was　torment　indeed；　to　inherit　the

responsibility　of　one's　own　life。

The　reli