第51部分(第3/7 頁)

nderstood；　so　why　should　she；　Gudrun；　bother

herself？　The　younger　girl　lived　her　religious；　responsible　life

in　her　sister；　by　proxy。　For　herself；　she　was　indifferent　and

intent　as　a　wild　animal；　and　as　irresponsible。

When　she　found　herself　at　the　bottom　of　the　class；　she

laughed；　lazily；　and　was　content；　saying　she　was　safe　now。　She

did　not　mind　her　father's　chagrin　nor　her　mother's　tinge　of

mortification。

〃What　do　I　pay　for　you　to　go　to　Nottingham　for？〃　her　father

asked；　exasperated。

〃Well；　Dad；　you　know　you　needn't　pay　for　me；〃　she　replied；

nonchalant。　〃I'm　ready　to　stop　at　home。〃

She　was　happy　at　home；　Ursula　was　not。　Slim　and　unwilling

abroad；　Gudrun　was　easy　in　her　own　house　as　a　wild　thing　in　its

lair。　Whereas　Ursula；　attentive　and　keen　abroad；　at　home　was

reluctant；　uneasy；　unwilling　to　be　herself；　or　unable。

Nevertheless　Sunday　remained　the　maximum　day　of　the　week　for

both。　Ursula　turned　passionately　to　it；　to　the　sense　of　eternal

security　it　gave。　She　suffered　anguish　of　fears　during　the

week…days；　for　she　felt　strong　powers　that　would　not　recognize

her。　There　was　upon　her　always　a　fear　and　a　dislike　of

authority。　She　felt　she　could　always　do　as　she　wanted　if　she

managed　to　avoid　a　battle　with　Authority　and　the　authorised

Powers。　But　if　she　gave　herself　away；　she　would　be　lost；

destroyed。　There　was　always　the　menace　against　her。

This　strange　sense　of　cruelty　and　ugliness　always　imminent；

ready　to　seize　hold　upon　her　this　feeling　of　the　grudging　power

of　the　mob　lying　in　wait　for　her；　who　was　the　exception；　formed

one　of　the　deepest　influences　of　her　life。　Wherever　she