第12部分(第4/7 頁)

〃What？〃　she　asked。

〃The　leaves。〃

She　sank　away　again。　The　strange　leaves　beating　in　the　wind

on　the　wood　had　e　nearer　than　she。　The　tension　in　the　room

was　overpowering；　it　was　difficult　for　him　to　move　his　head。　He

sat　with　every　nerve；　every　vein；　every　fibre　of　muscle　in　his

body　stretched　on　a　tension。　He　felt　like　a　broken　arch　thrust

sickeningly　out　from　support。　For　her　response　was　gone；　he

thrust　at　nothing。　And　he　remained　himself；　he　saved　himself

from　crashing　down　into　nothingness；　from　being　squandered　into

fragments；　by　sheer　tension；　sheer　backward　resistance。

During　the　last　months　of　her　pregnancy；　he　went　about　in　a

surcharged；　imminent　state　that　did　not　exhaust　itself。　She　was

also　depressed；　and　sometimes　she　cried。　It　needed　so　much　life

to　begin　afresh；　after　she　had　lost　so　lavishly。　Sometimes　she

cried。　Then　he　stood　stiff；　feeling　his　heart　would　burst。　For

she　did　not　want　him；　she　did　not　want　even　to　be　made　aware　of

him。　By　the　very　puckering　of　her　face　he　knew　that　he　must

stand　back；　leave　her　intact；　alone。　For　it　was　the　old　grief

e　back　in　her；　the　old　loss；　the　pain　of　the　old　life；　the

dead　husband；　the　dead　children。　This　was　sacred　to　her；　and　he

must　not　violate　her　with　his　fort。　For　what　she　wanted　she

would　e　to　him。　He　stood　aloof　with　turgid　heart。

He　had　to　see　her　tears　e；　fall　over　her　scarcely　moving

face；　that　only　puckered　sometimes；　down　on　to　her　breast；　that

was　so　still；　scarcely　moving。　And　there　was　no　noise；　save　now

and　again；　when；　with　a　strange；　somnambulant　movement；　she　took

her　handkerchief　and　wiped　her　face　and　blew