第12部分(第2/7 頁)

er　to　lapse　away。

Cold；　he　called　her；　selfish；　only　caring　about　herself；　a

foreigner　with　a　bad　nature；　caring　really　about　nothing；　having

no　proper　feelings　at　the　bottom　of　her；　and　no　proper　niceness。

He　raged；　and　piled　up　accusations　that　had　some　measure　of

truth　in　them　all。　But　a　certain　grace　in　him　forbade　him　from

going　too　far。　He　knew；　and　he　quivered　with　rage　and　hatred；

that　she　was　all　these　vile　things；　that　she　was　everything　vile

and　detestable。　But　he　had　grace　at　the　bottom　of　him；　which

told　him　that；　above　all　things；　he　did　not　want　to　lose　her；　he

was　not　going　to　lose　her。

So　he　kept　some　consideration　for　her；　he　preserved　some

relationship。　He　went　out　more　often；　to　the　〃Red　Lion〃　again；

to　escape　the　madness　of　sitting　next　to　her　when　she　did　not

belong　to　him；　when　she　was　as　absent　as　any　woman　in

indifference　could　be。　He　could　not　stay　at　home。　So　he　went　to

the　〃Red　Lion〃。　And　sometimes　he　got　drunk。　But　he　preserved　his

measure；　some　things　between　them　he　never　forfeited。

A　tormented　look　came　into　his　eyes；　as　if　something　were

always　dogging　him。　He　glanced　sharp　and　quick；　he　could　not

bear　to　sit　still　doing　nothing。　He　had　to　go　out；　to　find

pany；　to　give　himself　away　there。　For　he　had　no　other　outlet；

he　could　not　work　to　give　himself　out；　he　had　not　the

knowledge。

As　the　months　of　her　pregnancy　went　on；　she　left　him　more　and

more　alone；　she　was　more　and　more　unaware　of　him；　his　existence

was　annulled。　And　he　felt　bound　down；　bound；　unable　to　stir；

beginning　to　go　mad；　ready　to　rave。　For　she　was　quiet　and

polite；　as　if　he　did　not