第24部分(第3/7 頁)

his　inability　to　yield　place。　How　hideous；　this　greedy

middle…age；　which　must　stand　in　the　way　of　life；　like　a　large

demon。

What　was　missing　in　his　life；　that；　in　his　ravening　soul；　he

was　not　satisfied？　He　had　had　that　friend　at　school；　his　mother；

his　wife；　and　Anna？　What　had　he　done？　He　had　failed　with　his

friend；　he　had　been　a　poor　son；　but　he　had　known　satisfaction

with　his　wife；　let　it　be　enough；　he　loathed　himself　for　the

state　he　was　in　over　Anna。　Yet　he　was　not　satisfied。　It　was

agony　to　know　it。

Was　his　life　nothing？　Had　he　nothing　to　show；　no　work？　He　did

not　count　his　work；　anybody　could　have　done　it。　What　had　he

known；　but　the　long；　marital　embrace　with　his　wife！　Curious；

that　this　was　what　his　life　amounted　to！　At　any　rate；　it　was

something；　it　was　eternal。　He　would　say　so　to　anybody；　and　be

proud　of　it。　He　lay　with　his　wife　in　his　arms；　and　she　was　still

his　fulfilment；　just　the　same　as　ever。　And　that　was　the　be…all

and　the　end…all。　Yes；　and　he　was　proud　of　it。

But　the　bitterness；　underneath；　that　there　still　remained　an

unsatisfied　Tom　Brangwen；　who　suffered　agony　because　a　girl

cared　nothing　for　him。　He　loved　his　sons……he　had　them　also。

But　it　was　the　further；　the　creative　life　with　the　girl；　he

wanted　as　well。　Oh；　and　he　was　ashamed。　He　trampled　himself　to

extinguish　himself。

What　weariness！　There　was　no　peace；　however　old　one　grew！　One

was　never　right；　never　decent；　never　master　of　oneself。　It　was

as　if　his　hope　had　been　in　the　girl。

Anna　quickly　lapsed　again　into　her　love　for　the　youth。　Will

Brangwen　had　fixed　his　marriage　for　the　Saturday　before

C