第93部分(第5/7 頁)

sessed；　but　the　Anton

she　did　not　possess；　that　which　was　owned　by　some　other

influence；　by　the　world。

She　fought　and　fought　and　fought　all　through　her　illness　to

be　free　of　him　and　his　world；　to　put　it　aside；　to　put　it　aside；

into　its　place。　Yet　ever　anew　it　gained　ascendency　over　her；　it

laid　new　hold　on　her。　Oh；　the　unutterable　weariness　of　her

flesh；　which　she　could　not　cast　off；　nor　yet　extricate。　If　she

could　but　extricate　herself；　if　she　could　but　disengage　herself

from　feeling；　from　her　body；　from　all　the　vast　encumbrances　of

the　world　that　was　in　contact　with　her；　from　her　father；　and　her

mother；　and　her　lover；　and　all　her　acquaintance。

Repeatedly；　in　an　ache　of　utter　weariness　she　repeated：　〃I

have　no　father　nor　mother　nor　lover；　I　have　no　allocated　place

in　the　world　of　things；　I　do　not　belong　to　Beldover　nor　to

Nottingham　nor　to　England　nor　to　this　world；　they　none　of　them

exist；　I　am　trammelled　and　entangled　in　them；　but　they　are　all

unreal。　I　must　break　out　of　it；　like　a　nut　from　its　shell　which

is　an　unreality。〃

And　again；　to　her　feverish　brain；　came　the　vivid　reality　of

acorns　in　February　lying　on　the　floor　of　a　wood　with　their

shells　burst　and　discarded　and　the　kernel　issued　naked　to　put

itself　forth。　She　was　the　naked；　clear　kernel　thrusting　forth

the　clear；　powerful　shoot；　and　the　world　was　a　bygone　winter；

discarded；　her　mother　and　father　and　Anton；　and　college　and　all

her　friends；　all　cast　off　like　a　year　that　has　gone　by；　whilst

the　kernel　was　free　and　naked　and　striving　to　take　new　root；　to

create　a　new　knowledge　of　Eternity　in　the　flux　of　Time。　And　the

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