第22部分(第3/7 頁)

desire　to　do　it　again　anytime　soon。　He？d　promised　himself　he　was　going　to　get　to　the　bottom　of

this　before　he　hopped　into　the　1977　Buick　Skylark　his　dad　had　given　him　for　graduation　and　drove

to　Evergreen　in　ten　days。　If　he　were　going　to　reinvent　himself　in　college；　which　was　basically　the

whole　point　of　going　to　college　in　the　first　place；　figuring　out　his　sexuality　would　be　a　good　place

to　start。　He？d　even　picked　up　a　book　at　the　Strand；　where　he？d　worked　all　summer；

calledUnlocking　the　Closet　。　It　explained　that　feelings　of　confusion　and　despair　were　natural　while

you　were　transitioning　from　one　sexual　identity　to　another；　and　said　that　one　should　be　totally

willing　to　ask　oneself　the　really　？tough？　questions。　Which　he　really　was　trying　to　do。　Like；　if　he

wasn？t　truly　gay；　then　why　had　he　kissed　Greg　in　the　first　place？　Then　again；　why　was　Vanessa

suddenly　looking　so　hot　with　newsprint　smudges　across　her　pale　cheek？

Good　question。

Dan　moved　over　to　the　sad　gray　curtains　shading　the　floor…to…ceiling　windows　in　the　musty　living

room　and　attempted　to　tie　one　limp　side　back　with　a　twist　tie　he？d　found　with　the　garbage　bags

under　the　kitchen　sink。　The　yellow　twist　tie　fell　to　the　ground　and　he　bent　down　to　pick　it　up。

Vanessa　sighed　as　she　watched　him。　He　was　really　going　to　have　to　get　in　touch　with　his　inner

diva　if　he　was　going　to　make　a　go　of　it　as　a　New　York　City…bred　gay　man。

？There；　how？s　that？？　Dan　secured　the　garbage　tie　and　stood　back　to　admire　his　handiwork；

looking　more　optimistic　than　he　had　all　day。　He　placed　both　hands　on　his　hips。　？Somuch　better；

right？？　The　fabric　hung　to　the　side；　exposing　the　dirty　hand…printed　and　dust…streake